


What Happens Offline

by jinkandtherebels



Category: Naruto
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-16
Updated: 2013-12-16
Packaged: 2018-01-04 19:42:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1084955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jinkandtherebels/pseuds/jinkandtherebels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On the sixth day of Christmas, Sasuke was traumatized.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What Happens Offline

_uchihasasuke is now online_

**uchihasasuke** : Naruto are you there?

**uchihasasuke:** Naruto I don’t care if it’s a snow day there is no way you’re still sleeping at this hour

**uchihasasuke:** Respond or I will hold you personally accountable for my psychological trauma

**uchihasasuke:** You’ll be getting my therapy bills for years to come

**uchihasasuke:** NARUTO

_Ramenking97 is now online_

**Ramenking97** : jesus sasuke what the hell???!

**Ramenking97** : couldn’t sleep with all the alerts from my laptop going off, are you dying or something??

**uchihasasuke:** …Were you seriously still sleeping?

**Ramenking97** : um, duh? It’s a snow day, jerk, what else was I gonna be doing?

**Ramenking97** : so are you dying or what?

**uchihasasuke:** I haven’t actually had an aneurysm yet, no, but it’s still too early to tell

**uchihasasuke:** The day is young

**uchihasasuke:** Plenty of time to accrue more lasting nightmares

**Ramenking97** : you gonna tell me what’s going on or can I go back to sleep?

**uchihasasuke:** You know my brother?

**Ramenking97** : and again: duh

**Ramenking97** : scary pacifist ninja badass who could kill me in my sleep in 1493753 different ways except he’s too nice to actually do it

**uchihasasuke:** Yeah, and you know my cousin?

**Ramenking97** : dude, you have WAY too many cousins for me to keep track

**uchihasasuke:** Fair point. Okay, remember Shisui? Curly hair, grins way too much, turns everything into a stupid joke or an innuendo?

**Ramenking97** : oh yeah, he seemed like a pretty cool guy

**Ramenking97** : only uchiha I’ve ever met that didn’t have a stick lodged up his ass

**uchihasasuke:** I’m going to be the bigger person and ignore that for now

**Ramenking97** : so why the Uchiha Family 20 Questions?

**uchihasasuke:** Because my brother and my cousin

**Ramenking97** : ???

**uchihasasuke:** I can’t even type it

**Ramenking97** : dude, whatever trouble shisui’s gotten your brother into it can’t be THAT bad

**uchihasasuke:** They’re in the hallway as we speak

**Ramenking97** : see? How much trouble could they possibly get into when they’re still in the house?

**uchihasasuke:** They’re under the fucking mistletoe

**Ramenking97** : …

**Ramenking97** : oh

**uchihasasuke:** Yeah

**Ramenking97** : like, just standing under the mistletoe having a normal conversation or

**uchihasasuke:** More like they’re sticking their tongues down each other’s throats

**uchihasasuke:** Oh God I’m going to be sick

**Ramenking97** : well, uh, at least it could be worse, y’know? The walls are pretty thin at your place

**Ramenking97** : just sayin’

**uchihasasuke:** Don’t even JOKE about that

**uchihasasuke:** Do you have any idea the noises I am hearing right now

**uchihasasuke:** And I can’t get my damn headphones because moving would require letting them know that I’m here trying not to burn my retinas out

**uchihasasuke:** Oh FUCK

**Ramenking97** : what??

**uchihasasuke:** Shisui’s hand just went

**uchihasasuke:** Fuckity fuck I have not done anything nearly bad enough to deserve this

**Ramenking97** : LOL

**uchihasasuke:** This is not funny, Naruto

**uchihasasuke:** Oh shit there are moans I can’t be listening to this

**uchihasasuke:** Fuck

**uchihasasuke:** My

**uchihasasuke:** Life

**Ramenking97** : jeez sasuke, chill out

**Ramenking97** : no offense but Itachi always seemed too uptight to be healthy yanno? Maybe this’ll be good for him

**uchihasasuke:** I can kill you and make it look like an accident

**uchihasasuke** : Oh jesuschrist

**uchihasasuke** : Oh jesus CHRIST YOU’RE IN THE FUCKING HALLWAY DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THAT ANYONE COULD WALK BY AT ANY TIME JESUS FUCK

**Ramenking97** : maybe they’re exhibitionists or something, u don’t know

**Ramenking97** : besides, ur the one who can’t quit watching

**Ramenking97** : voyeur perv

**uchihasasuke** : I will kill you

**uchihasasuke** : Very slowly

**uchihasasuke** : And with knives

**uchihasasuke** : Oh fucking hell they’re going into Itachi’s room I can’t tell if this makes things better or worse

**Ramenking97** : well if it makes u feel any better, at least u know itachi can’t get pregnant right?

**uchihasasuke** : …

**uchihasasuke** : Fucking SHIT the answer is worse it’s so much worse

**uchihasasuke** : I’m in hell. I have died and I have gone to hell.

**uchihasasuke** : Oh god I can’t be hearing this

**uchihasasuke** : Fuck it, I’m coming over

**Ramenking97** : wait, what

**Ramenking97** : I wanna go back to sleep, your walls can’t be THAT thin, I was mostly kidding

**Ramenking97** : sasuke??

_uchihasasuke is now offline_

**Ramenking97** : oh ffs

_flickermaster is now online_

**flickermaster** : sorry about your lazy snow day, kiddo, but some things are more important than sleep ;)

**Ramenking97** : I think I’m starting to get why sasuke hates u

**Ramenking97** : heartless bastard

**flickermaster** : hey, someone has to traumatize my dear cousin every now and again, lest he get complacent

**flickermaster** : unfortunately you’re the one who gets to deal with him being neurotic for the rest of the day

**flickermaster** : buuut that’s the price you pay when you’ve basically married into the Uchiha family already

**Ramenking97** : ha freaking ha

**Ramenking97** : I knew even ur family couldn’t be that weird

**Ramenking97** : u got itachi to go along with that though? All to traumatize sasuke?

**flickermaster** : ahahaha

**flickermaster** : what can I say, I made it worth his while

**Ramenking97** : …

**Ramenking97** : hey shisui, can I ask u something

**flickermaster** : ask fast, kiddo, I for one don’t plan to waste my snow day

**Ramenking97** : yeah, about that

**Ramenking97** : it was just a prank, right? Like, itachi’s just being a really good sport about all this, right?

**Ramenking97** : shisui??

**flickermaster** : um

_uchihaitachi is now online_

**uchihaitachi** : Hello, Naruto.

**flickermaster** : fuck

**Ramenking97** : uh, hi itachi

**uchihaitachi** : If you would excuse my idiot cousin, I would appreciate it.

**uchihaitachi** : He has some unfinished business to attend to.

**uchihaitachi** : But first I may need to murder him.

**Ramenking97** : uh, sure thing

**flickermaster** : traitor

**Ramenking97** : don’t even, I think I hear sasuke pounding on my door as we speak

**Ramenking97** : shit, u so owe me for this

_Ramenking97 is now offline_

**flickermaster** : so…unfinished business first, you kill me later?

**uchihaitachi** : We’ll see.

_flickermaster is now offline_

_uchihaitachi is now offline_

 


End file.
